COLLEGE!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

college is crazy!!!! i just dont know if i will make it or not. this thursday i have an interview at c of o and that day is my deciding future. im so scared. me and mom are going shopping tomorrow to pick out the perfect outfit but i have no clue what to wear. what to say. how to act. i know ive gotten plenty of tips and thanks to those of you that have but im still scared. i have a feeling im just going to blank and then like run out of the room and screw everything up. im so confused right now. i have no clue anymore. my dad is always telling me that i have the grades but in reallity i dont. my first two years of high school i messed up and i have a feeling its gonna come back and bite me...i need some help or something. i need answers and guidance. and no not a guidance counselor the ones at my school dont help at all. but you get what im saying. i just dont have all the answers and no one in my family has ever gone to college. i will be the first. even out of the extended family. its scary to have that weight on your shoulders and im only the second to graduate. papa graduated but never received a diploma cause he moved so much he wasnt allowed or something. he couldnt help that he was in foster care. so i dont know. but lets just say im second to make it not complicated. and first for college. i have no clue what to do. i need help. this is crazy. i have no clue what to do. HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

c of o...is it for me?

so last night college of the ozarks called me to ask me if i had questions about the school which i did and they said they should be calling this week for an interview and if they dont call by friday then i need to call them to set one up plus a tour. im excited but everyone is trying to tell me to stay home and live with papa and they are making me feel guilty about it. like i feel bad cause i dont want him to ever be alone but i need this college. you work for your tuition and its good for me. i want to go there plus i love branson so much. i will miss papa a lot and my mom but i have to learn to be on my own they just dont get. i guess the song is right parents just dont understand. it means so much to me to go there. im only going to college to become a nurse for him so i can take of him when he needs it if he ever does. but i do want to be a nurse for me as well. its a great career that helps people and i love to help people as much as i can. plus no matter where you go you can always find a job and nurses make bank so yeah. i want a family and to be stable unlike my mom. this sucks and i feel like im being pulled a million different ways to make a decision for them about my life even though i should be making it for me cause its my life not theirs. i just dont know what to do right now. i love my papa so much and i dont wanna leave or ever leave him alone. but i gotta do what i gotta do. let me know what y'all think.

more to previous...

so i dont know where i left off but anyways its stupid how they get treated for wanting to do their own thing. they all are so nice and deserve so much more respect and better get more of it. im so glad all the fighting has deceased i was sick of it and hated being in the middle of it it was so stupid i couldnt take anymore of it. haygoods dont need people fighting over them the guys get it enough with all their adoring fans who want a piece of them we need to learn how to share more. even though i get mike. haha. jk. anyways im not really on fire like i was the other night so this is a short one.